Online dating is today’s trend in New Zealand. These are the sites you can trust in

Daily life is increasingly dominated by apps – almost all processes have shifted over to this way of operating. And love is no exception. So it should come as no surprise that people are looking for their perfect opposite via app.

Back in the day of course, those that looked for love online were mocked – if you had to go online you obviously couldn’t find love in the real world. So people who had met online often agreed to keep this as their little secret to avoid embarrassment. Instead, a plausible story for how they met in real life would be conjured up to avoid suspicion.

But times have changed since then! These days, couples don’t need to feel ashamed for turning to the world of online dating to find each other. In fact, many even take pride in it.

So what are the actual benefits of online dating?

The advantages are obvious: Online dating is simple and comfortable. You can get to know multiple single people from the comfort of your own sofa. This leads us to the second point: efficiency.  It’s unlikely that you’d be able to strike up so many conversations on your average Friday night in town. Last but not least, online dating has the massive advantage that you can find people that fit with your personality.

Why is this advantageous?

The large and reputable online dating platforms draw from scientific personality tests to bring people together (Even Tinder users include their Myers Briggs personality types in their bio) Matching is then based upon personality rather than on the superficial basis of appearance, as is the case with Tinder. And in general, this works very well.

How is this done then?

When you register on an online dating platform, you will need to answer numerous questions about your personality, your wishes and your interests. This process usually lasts about 15 – 20 minutes. After this, the system evaluates your answers and matches them with the answers of all other users.

Members with the most similarities are then shown to each other as potential partners.

But this is not all…

There is another advantage to such dating sites with regards to finding a serious relationship: All people who have registered and actively use the platform are looking for something long-term. No game playing. Just serious singles.

So if you always dreamed of meeting the one but never had the confidence to start speaking to them, you really should take a look at online dating apps. For shy singles, there is simply no better way to come into contact with potential dates as with online dating. For those who are confident and self-assured, online dating is still a complete win, because they can meet people that they otherwise never would bump into.

There are positives and negatives with everything in life, and online dating is no different. At the end of the day, you need to decide for yourself whether you can focus on the good and tolerate the bad.

Let’s take a look at them, one at a time:

When it comes to the disadvantages, right at the top of the list is the danger of making a first impression of another person online. Online, people can present themselves as being anything that they want, whether this is authentic or not.

Sadly, the anonymity of the internet allows people to be deceitful. So for instance, the person who was so funny and open while you were chatting online may turn out to be introverted and shy in real life.

Another important point to consider: understandably, everyone seeks to show off their best attributes and to hide their flaws. If someone has piled on the pounds as of late, they will find themselves keeping that old photo of themselves rather than showing how they look now.

The fact is…

You have to be prepared for the fact that some online encounters will be more make-believe than based in reality. So even if you have been chatting with someone for a number of weeks and you feel that you understand who they are, don’t be disappointed when you finally meet and they deviate from the image in your head.

Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there. There are other potential pitfalls with online dating…

As soon as one registers on an online dating platform, they are immediately overwhelmed by the huge array of singles. And this can be deceiving. It gives the impression that the next chat will be better, that the next person you talk to might actually be the one you are looking for. This often means that singles do not invest the necessary time in getting to know someone before abandoning the process in search for someone else.

With regards to the reputable NZ online dating platforms, you should assume that the people suggested to you are also looking for something serious.

After all, these are not platforms for no-strings sex and affairs. The focus on online dating apps and sites is very much dedicated to finding love.

Almost all online dating apps use scientific personality tests and clever algorithms to suggest the right singles with the same interests and the same serious intentions.

So how does this function?

On most fast-paced dating apps such as Tinder and Badoo, the visual impression is what counts. Of course, should you really be interested in finding someone with whom you click, you will need to focus much more on the personality and character of platform users. And with the help of personality tests, this is exactly what platform algorithms function for.

If you have ever given apps like Tinder a shot, you will probably have noticed that it is far from easy to build meaningful conversations. There simply aren’t enough mutual interests for you to work with.

But when the personal interests of users are brought to the foreground, this is less of an issue.

It’s a case of weighing up your priorities: the downside of apps that are quick and easy to register on, are that you can’t ever know very much about who you are looking at. The platforms that utilise personality tests to guide users will certainly overcome this problem, but the drawback is that you need to spend much more time registering and creating your profile.

Important: Should you decide to register on an online dating site, you must invest the time in completing the personality tests to the best of your knowledge and ability.

Why does this matter?

The scientists that developed these tests knew what they were doing. Personality tests are the result of many years of research. In order for them to work their magic, it is important that you follow the process and answer all the questions honestly and authentically. Otherwise the algorithm will draw inaccurate conclusions and lead you astray.

Conclusion: The more hard work you put in at the beginning, the faster you will reach your goals, as the contacts you find will be tailored to you as an individual.

What’s the catch?

This all sounds so enticing, and indeed it is. But there is a small catch that simply cannot be ignored. If you are really serious about finding love, you will need to pay providers a little extra.

Now, the registration and personality test processes are completely free. But if you want to communicate with other members and find love, you’ll be needing a premium membership.

Can we recommend a premium membership?

Countless experiences with NZ online dating proves: singles that go for the premium membership are serious about finding love. The premium membership is unavoidable if you want to be able to chat with all users on the platform and show that you are genuine.

Are there other options?

Of course, no one is completely reliant on online dating. After all, you can always meet new people during a night in town. But neither is this without cost – you’re guaranteed to have a few drinks, if not a meal in a restaurant. Over time, this stacks up.

Aside from this, you can never really know anything about someone when you have only just started chatting with them in a bar. With online dating, you’ll start from a position of commonality, as you will be paired with people who correspond with your personality and beliefs. You simply cannot benefit from this enormous head start if you don’t serve the algorithm with plenty of information about yourself.

Thanks to the intelligence of current algorithms, members come pre-sorted so that you are saved the trouble of doing this yourself. But this does not absolve you of your part to play, after all, you need to go out there, flirt, and make a good first impression with recommended users.

This requires a lot of effort from your side, particularly when it comes to creating your profile. Only when you invest time in your profile will you be able to attract attention. When your profile is engaging, other members will recognise this immediately and have a much better idea with whom they are messaging.

And don’t forget...

You are looking for true love. Your future partner’s personality should harmonise with your own. For this reason it is very important that you present yourself honestly and authentically. There is no sense in being fake just to make a better impression.

Your goal isn’t simply to chat online, but eventually to meet and get to know each other better. And your lies will be revealed there and then on the first date, so you’re doing yourself and your date a favour by being real.

What makes a profile authentic and appealing?

You can usually provide personal details through your profile on online dating portals. So provide here all the important information that will help other members get to know you better. Go into detail. Don’t just simply write your age and location.

What do other members want to know about you?

First and foremost, other members are interested in your interests, your life goals and what you are looking for in a partner. Perhaps you have a few quirks that help define you as an individual, by all means let these be known. Let other people know what music you are into, what you like to talk about and what makes you laugh.

Typical mistakes when choosing profile photos

There are a number of pitfalls that singles frequently fall into when it comes to profile photos. Here are the common mistakes you should avoid:

Your choice of profile photo is incredibly important, because with online dating the right photo is practically half the battle. Certainly, looks are not everything when it comes to finding a partner online – personality also sits very much in the foreground. Nevertheless, your profile photo is the first impression that people will get of you and is make or break for whether someone writes to you or not.

Accentuating your best features is the name of the game when it comes to choosing your photo. Most importantly, you need to make sure the focus is on your face, and that your face is clearly visible.

Furthermore, you should also be sure to include a photo that shows your entire body. Your set of photos can then be completed with a few shots that reveal your hobbies. Then, you have a bit of everything. This makes it so much easier for other members to get a good impression of you, and above all, facilitates that first conversation between you.

Do not use blurry or poorly lit photos. Selfies demonstrate a lack of creativity and come across as self-indulgent. Rather, choose photos that are more appealing, for instance, photos taken outside in nature.

Men: avoid torso shots, women do not find this appealing. Women should also refrain from revealing too much, because it makes them appear easy and attracts the wrong sorts of messages.

Of course, the phrase “sex sells” applies here...

But bear in mind that you are on a reputable NZ online dating site looking for a partner for life. To attract something serious, you should appear as normal as possible. Photos that are overtly sexual are likely to attract people merely looking for casual sex.

The first date: Here’s how it comes to pass

After you have made your profile, you can get started. You have already created the ideal framework from which to find your partner.

It’s now simply a case of browsing through other profiles. When you find someone you are interested in, simply send them a message.

Is it really this easy?

What does it take to create that perfect message?

When it comes to the first message, you should always communicate in a way that motivates the recipient to answer you back. For this, you need to make the member curious about you. On the other hand, you don’t want to go off on a tangent and write too much about yourself. After all, the key to flirting successfully is to maintain an element of mystery. 

Has someone made an impression on you? In this case, you can have a flick through their profile to find out more about them. Perhaps you’ll find out something interesting about them and share some similar interests.

Keep a lookout for information that could be useful for first contact.

You could incorporate the following sentences in your message:

“Hello Claudia, that’s a sweet dog there in your photos. I have a dog too, she’s always cracking me up!”

“Hi Lisa, you say that you like jogging in the woods. When I have the time, I also love running. Have you ever considered doing a marathon?”

“Hey Jessica. I see that you like blackjack. Do you enjoy playing poker too?”

Something else to bear in mind:

Any common ground between the two of you will serve well as a subject for your first message.

Once you receive a response, you should work hard on keeping the conversation interesting so that you can gradually get to know them better.

How do you do this?

In principle, there is one simple trick to keeping a conversation flowing.

Ask “why” as often as you can, this way, your conversation partner will reveal more and more about themselves.

You: “Wow! You were recently in Thailand? What made you choose Thailand?”

Your opposite: “I read so much about the wonderful temples and the passionate people, and I just had to experience it for myself”.

You: “So what were your experiences in the country? Is it as wonderful as people say? I would love to travel to Australia, but I haven’t quite managed to yet”.

Keep following up with “why”, and they’ll be bound to continue messaging with you and continue revealing more about themselves. And you can continue using their answers to ask new questions. In this way, the conversation, at least theoretically, can continue indefinitely.

But at some point it’s time to snag that date, right?

The first step is to get to know someone better first, as you don’t want to meet a stranger on the first date. If you are able to build the necessary trust, a date will not be far behind.

To achieve this, you should always keep an eye on finding similarities. So now you have got to know your potential date a bit better. Next, find out what type of food he or she likes, and suggest a date at a suitable restaurant.

If your opposite is into art, then there’s surely an interesting museum that you could visit together.

Not so hard right?

A guaranteed successful date – here’s how

The search for a partner online only really gets exciting when, after taking your time to get to know someone, you finally arrange your first date.

You’ll probably be quite nervous.

But you should be aware that your date is likely in the same position.

To ensure that you take some pressure off of the situation, you should plan the date in such a way that you feel as comfortable as possible.

You should never go into the date with high expectations. Keep it loose. Without any unwarranted expectations, you’ll be more relaxed and can only be pleasantly surprised.

And don’t be frightened of running out of things to talk about.

Remember the trick we mentioned earlier for keeping conversations going? Exactly as when you were online, turn to your “why” questions when your date is sat opposite you. Align yourself once again to the answers your date provides you with and form new questions from the information you receive.

Since you are going to be on the date for a while, it wouldn’t hurt to think of a few topics and questions in advance. Concentrate again on your common interests, and you’ll be bound to have plenty to talk about.

Listening is essential!

Avoid talking about yourself too much. It’s much better to give your date the chance to talk about themselves. This is crucial for having a great first date and is the only way you can learn about your date.

No matter what you do online, you need to keep yourself safe at all times. Just as with online shopping, the same goes for the world of online dating. The moment you begin chatting with a stranger, you need to be on your guard.

It goes without saying that providers work very hard to keep fakes and scammer off their platforms. Nonetheless, you can never be sure with whom you are talking to online.

Here is some guidance to help you stay safe:

• Under no circumstances should you provide personal details while you are getting to know someone. Hold back from giving your number or email address, at least at the start.
•  Don’t meet people at your home or their home on a first date
•  Let a friend know where you are going in case of an emergency
•  Stay on your toes – even when everything appears to be fine, looks can be deceiving
•  Be especially alert if your date sells personal stories of misery and hardship and uses your sympathy to try and get money.

Trust your gut instinct

So long as you trust your intuition and think before you act, internet dating is actually very safe. There is far more chance that you will meet the love of your life than anything untoward happen.

So get searching right now and have fun with it!