What do he/she really like in bed? Find out in the chat, with game
Key Takeaways:
- Use small, playful hints to find out what makes your chat partner tick
- Ask nicely packaged questions that say a lot about sexual behavior
- Be open about sex when it's appropriate.
- Also reveal information about your sexual behavior when your chat partner opens up a bit
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Got a match while online dating? Bull's eye!
And now it's just a matter of not screwing up the chat and getting to know each other. Many singles take their time at this stage because they don't want to rush into anything. The first thing to do is to find out whether your potential date is really surfing on the same wavelength – and that includes, among other things, how things might turn out in the bedroom. What does he or she like, anyway, and how important are regular bedtime acrobatics to them?
Whether you want to admit it or not, sex is one of the cornerstones of a functioning relationship. It is considered the epitome of intimacy between two people.
Maybe you're more tender in bed while your partner prefers to really let loose, which wouldn't necessarily lead to a fulfilling sex life. Therefore, it is important to know early on whether you have similar ideas on this subject. Yet since, apart from casual dating, it's not just about erotic moments at this stage, you need to use a little tact.
In our editorial department, we have racked our brains to come up with tips for how you can skillfully find out about your partner’s sexual fantasies.
- Small and playful hints
- Nicely packaged questions
- Open approach to the topic
Want to know the whole package beforehand, hear what makes your partner hot in the bedroom? Then this guide should help you learn more about what’s running through your match’s head.
Small and playful hints
And no, this doesn't mean the classic "I need a cold shower" and the ever-popular response "Without me?" Generally speaking, you should wait a bit before making sexual innuendos. If you send clear signals in the first few messages, you run the risk of being labeled too eager. After all, you're not only looking for some erotic time – you just want to find out if you like the same things in the bedroom.
As soon as you have become a little closer online, you’ll find openings for such little hints to sneak in. You might receive a message about how your chat date is exhausted after exercising. Here, for example, is an opportunity to compare the workout with sex. Does your match give his or her all in bed, or is he or she more the type of person who leaves the work to you, just lies back and enjoys it?
Or you both watched the same movie the night before, and there was some erotic action at one point or another? How about a few little innuendos about which of those scenes you really enjoyed? What about your counterpart? Did he or she find the same moments hot, were they different or did the whole performance leave them cold? In this way, you can indirectly and elegantly learn more about your chat partner's sexual behavior and way of thinking.
Nicely packaged questions
Besides playful hints, there is another possibility. Certain questions can elicit a lot of information from your chat partner about his or her sexual behavior. This way, you can find out if the person you're chatting with is extremely attracted to certain body features or if they place a lot of value on romance in the bedroom. But again, keep in mind that these questions are not openers for the conversation and should only come in when the timing’s right.
What is more attractive to you – intelligence or looks?
With this question you can easily find out whether a cerebellum or a generous bust size opens the bedroom door. Does your counterpart like broad shoulders or does it take real deep talk to make them drop their pants?
What are some behaviors and characteristics that turn you off completely?
Doesn’t everyone have certain things that make the mood go south? Whether it's that men take too little time during foreplay or it’s women who just lie there like a sack of potatoes. During the getting-to-know-you phase, this is a perfectly valid question and can give you insight into what is considered an absolute no-go in the bedroom.
Do you like to play the active part?
Yes, this question gets down to the nitty gritty, but that's not a bad thing. Everyone who signs up for online dating isn't just looking for someone to hold hands with. Anyone looking for a committed relationship knows how important chemistry is in bed. Asking whether your chat partner prefers to be ‘done’ or likes to be the one doing is thus not at all reprehensible at this point.
How important is sex to you in a relationship?
This question is probably familiar to everyone, because it has become almost the most normal thing in the world to ask when getting to know one another. After all, you want to know what sex life is like with your potential partner. Are you someone for whom the physical level is really important, but your counterpart sees sex only as necessary for satisfying cravings? If so, friction of the unpleasant kind could occur again and again on this point, and the relationship could suffer in the end.
Open approach to the topic
Of course, it’s possible to deal with this topic openly while chatting. It does depend on your chat partner, because if this person sees sex as a sensitive topic, you run the risk of scaring them off. But if you meet someone online who is open about it, there's nothing to stop you from taking the bull by the horns.
If you're looking for a partner, you're also interested in how your time together in the bedroom might pan out. You may even have reached a point where some sexual aspects have already been discussed. So why not take the chance and deepen your insight into this most joyful pastime?
You might have a weakness for the dark side of eroticism and it’s important to you to be able to live out this preference with a partner. Then you should be open about it. As soon as you reveal information about yourself and your sexual behavior, you might find your match opening up a bit.
In summary
Nobody wants to buy the whole package sight unseen – you want to know at least roughly what you might expect in a partnership, as far as sex goes. Don't worry, you don't have to barge right in to find out if you're compatible in the bedroom. You can find out a lot about sexual behavior through small hints and tactful questions. Just keep in mind that outside of casual dating, you shouldn't bring up sex directly. Otherwise, it can quickly seem like you’re just out for fun. But after a certain amount of time, it makes sense to broach the subject and start to learn whether you harmonize in bed, too.