Sex apps: where everyone knows the end game

Everyone is looking for love in one way or another – be it a long-term relationship or the chance to live out their sexual fantasies. There are a number of modern dating apps to satisfy all needs, making them the ideal solution.

How has this come about?

It’s now second nature for us to organise our everyday lives with the help of apps. We use apps to order food, to chat to friends and acquaintances digitally and to order a convenient ride home from the party.

These functions make our lives easier. As such, it’s only natural that they’ve also been used to create apps for the easy, discreet and anonymous arrangement of no-strings dates.

In our modern world, we value the ability to organise things with a few taps on the smartphone. This is exactly the principle on which sex apps are based. As well as being user-friendly, the ‘service’ they offer is available at quickly and conveniently at the tap of a button.

And the biggest advantage of all?

Users can chat to many potential dates simultaneously without even having to step outside the door. Because of this, sex apps are a good option for daters who don’t enjoy clubs and bars and would rather avoid the countless rejections that real-life chat-up scenarios can bring.

Rule for success no. 1: If you’re genuinely only looking for sex, use dedicated sex apps.

This might sound obvious, but it shouldn’t be overlooked.

Keep reading to find out why!

A great many of the dating apps on the NZ market claim to cover an entire spectrum of needs. They offer users the possibility to form any type of connection.

Such apps allow you to arrange a hookup one day and look for the love of your life the next. On the other hand, dedicated sex apps focus solely on facilitating connections for sex.

If you’re only in the mood for sex, you can probably guess which type of app will work better. Yes – the sex-only app will win every time.

The reason for this is simple and obvious!

As soon as an app is used by people with widely varying intentions, disappointments are baked in. As a result, it is hardly surprising that many potential contacts do not respond at all.

If, on the other hand, you sign up to a dedicated sex app (e.g. C-date), you can assume that everyone on the platform is looking for the same thing as you. Everyone knows the end game and any potential frustrations are (hopefully) eliminated.

This page focuses on dedicated sex apps that are popular in New Zealand: those designed exclusively for men and women looking for friends with benefits arrangements, affairs or one-night stands.

The all-important question posed by many users of sex apps is: how quickly is it possible to get sex via a sex app in New Zealand?

Since everyone on a sex app wants the same thing, it’s quite possible that the first date might end up in bed. But a lot depends on your chat in the app beforehand.

It’s up to you to judge the intensity of your previous flirting. At the same time, meeting in person will always be different than chatting virtually, which means that much rests on your behaviour and your level of mutual connection.

If things were heated during the chat, the date will likely continue in the same vein. If not, you can build the connection more slowly and still end up sharing a bed. Luckily for you, there are a couple of tips that make this desirable outcome more likely.

We’re here to show you how it works.

At the beginning of the date, getting to know each other takes top priority – after all, it’s the first time you’ve seen each other in the flesh. Once a level of mutual trust and attraction has been established, there’s no reason why either party should not want to take things further.

At some point, then, the question will arise as to how you’re going to spend the rest of the evening.

How can you make it clear that you’re interested in more than just drinks?

This is quite simple. Below are a few ideas of what to say:

• I’ve really enjoyed my time with you. Do we want to have a last drink at mine?
• You’re a really amazing woman. I’d love it if you wanted to come back to mine. I’ve got a new Japanese gin I’d love for us to try.
• I’d love to make you feel good tonight. Are you up for it?

Not too tricky, right?

Of course, the last option is a little bolder - and certainly not something that everyone can or wants to pull off.

What if you’re too shy to say anything at all?

Do you lack the confidence to say you want more, or are struggling to find the right moment? In this case, you can approach your date gently by touching a non-private part of her body, like her arm or shoulder. Make it seem casual or accidental.

It will quickly be obvious whether she is uncomfortable or is willing to let the touch continue. If it’s the latter, place your hand gently on her knee or arm and wait for her reaction. If she appears relaxed (and especially if she responds to your touch), the signs are good. Wait a little longer, then go for a well-timed kiss on the lips.

Some women require a little longer to get to know a potential partner and find it difficult to trust a man from the off. The importance of this should not be underestimated, because trust often plays a key role in the ability to be sexually open. Take it slowly and never apply pressure. Instead, relax, get to know one another and try to agree a second date.

And if the second date happens – is sex definitely on the cards?

It’s impossible to say for certain whether a second date will end in sex – but generally speaking, your chances are good. If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t have agreed to see you again!

Sarah: “For me, it’s vital that I feel comfortable in the presence of a man. The most important thing is a mutual spark, not whether we have common hobbies or interests. A well-groomed appearance is also very important: under no circumstances should a man look different from his pictures. For me, it’s an absolute no-go when a man wildly exaggerates his attractiveness and is completely different in reality.”

Before we get into this, it’s important to understand that there are many different reasons why people in New Zealand sign up for sex apps.

What does this mean?

Why different reasons? Don’t all users of sex apps JUST want sex?

The answer is a little more complicated than that. While sex is always the primary motivation, users can have different desires and preferences even in this regard.

Some users simply want a bit of virtual fun. Often, they’re happy to content themselves with hot chats and play in front of a cam. Others have specific inclinations and preferences and are looking for a partner that enjoys the same thing. Finally, there are others who are curious about what’s out there and might be looking to try something new.

With this in mind, it’s advisable to be upfront about your desires and expectations in your profile. Be candid about your sexual preferences and what you hope to find on the app.

Most sex apps offer the opportunity to describe your preferred types of erotic play. The app will often offer assistance or prompts (e.g. a selection of representative images or a checklist of preferences) to help you articulate exactly what you’re looking for.

When it comes to writing a profile for a sex app, you can follow roughly the same approach as for a conventional dating app. However, since sex is the ultimate aim of the game, erotic preferences play a particularly important role.

But is it really as simple as creating a profile, laying out your preferences and diving in?

Where’s the catch?

Unfortunately, there is, in fact, one small catch:

Since men far outnumber women on NZ sex apps, men have to complete to secure the attention of potential matches. You cannot simply assume that attractive women will click on your profile and contact you.

So what do you need to do?

If you see a woman you like, you need to put in the effort. It’s not enough to pen a standard opening message and fire it off to multiple potential contacts. Women are usually able to tell easily when a message has not been specifically addressed to them.

Read a woman’s profile carefully and formulate your message to make it sound personal. It’s also a good idea to avoid sending pictures of your body parts or hitting on women on a primitive way.

Lisa: “If I feel like a guy has sent the same message to several women, it gets deleted immediately. I’ve also learned to tell very quickly if someone is hitting on me for kicks or if they are seriously interested. I only give men a chance to get to know me if they treat a woman with respect and meet a certain standard.”

You can safely assume that all the women you find on the platform are interested in sex – the same reason that you, yourself, signed up. However, this does not mean that these women are happy to be treated like sex objects. Most women pay attention to whether a man treats with them decency, civility and respect – and only if these conditions are met will they be willing to progress a date to sex.

Even if sex apps are, in principle, about sex and nothing else, you should always see your matches as people with value. Most women want sex – they just aren’t as open about it as men are.

With this in mind, you should focus initially on establishing a level of trust and giving your matches time to ‘warm up’.

In most cases, you won’t be successful. Women don’t want to be treated purely as sex objects. They want to be swept off their feet, even if – as on sex apps – sexual experiences are the ultimate goal.

If women don’t want men to ask for sex, you might be wondering why they sign up to sex apps in the first place.

The answer is simple:

Even if women really want to let loose in bed, they will rarely be explicit about it. They fear being branded a ‘slut’ or acquiring a bad reputation.

So what’s the best way for a man to proceed?

Before you contact a woman on a sex app, read her profile carefully – and when you come to write a message, show her that you have paid attention!

Opening a conversation by asking for sex won’t help you get what you’re looking for – although you can include a couple of subtle hints or allusions that help to set a flirty tone. An appropriate message might be as follows:

“Hey Sarah,

I see from your profile that we share some similar interests. I bet we’ve got lots more in common, too.

Since I’ve just come out of a long relationship, I’m not looking for anything serious – but I’d love to meet an interesting woman for exciting chats and shared activities. Your profile says you like to go to the theatre and play different sports. I think we could be a mutually stimulating match: I’m also a keen and regular theatre-goer.

I travel a lot for work, but am usually home at the weekends. Check out my profile if you like, and let me know if you want to chat some more.”

If you make the effort to write in a personal way and use her profile to find points of connection, you’re (almost) guaranteed to get a response.

If you formulate your opening in the way shown above, your match will get the message that you’re not superficial. She’ll appreciate that you’ve engaged with her and her interests. Even if sex is the ultimate goal, it’s also about the person you’re doing it with – not merely about satisfying lust.

If you’re thinking that this message sounds a little bit pretentious – that’s fine. Of course, not everyone can be a theatre-lover. This is simply intended to serve as an example and an  alternative to the usual (and usually fruitless) pick-up lines men use. With the vast majority of women, a quip like “Hey baby, want to fuck?” won’t get you anywhere.

So better to avoid it!

At the same time, be aware that users of sex apps are strictly available for short-term erotic adventures, not for love and romance. Questions about plans for a family have no place here.

Ultimately, whether you’re a woman or man: if you’re on a sex app, you’re seeking hot affairs or uninhibited one-night stands.

Too many men can be an advantage

When it comes to sex dating, there’s one fact that can’t be ignored:

Whichever app you choose, men will significantly outnumber women. However, while this might sound like a dampener, it’s far less problematic than you’d think.

First, choose the sex app that offers as high a ratio of women as possible. You can stand out from the crowd by browsing other users’ profiles carefully and writing thoughtful and charming messages. Use the template above as a guide.

Secondly, it’s a fact that only a fraction of NZ men opt to pay for a premium membership every month. This (unfortunately widespread) male stinginess means that many men head to bars and clubs and attempt to pick up women there instead.

If you’re willing to be a little more generous...

...you’ll find that the monthly costs for a membership are very reasonable. If you’re prepared to invest this minor amount, you’ll quickly become one of the top 20% of users of any sex app who are most likely to successfully arrange a sex date.

As long as you don’t completely misbehave, a plentiful and varied sex life can be closer than you ever thought possible.

Increase your chances of finding sex fast

Regardless of whether you’re on an app or in a bar, there are a couple of all-important rules of play for getting to know a potential date.

Don’t present yourself as a Casanova!

As humans, we love to feel attractive and desired – and when a woman shows you that she wants to have sex with you, you’re bound to feel exactly this. For women, it’s no different. If your match gets the impression that you’re bedding several different women a week, she will no longer feel special or desired. After this, she usually loses interest quite swiftly.

Convey confidence and make her feel good

It’s very important to build trust with a women to enable her to let herself go. She should also feel completely comfortable in your presence. Even if both parties know that sex is the end game, it’s still important to make her feel good.

Sex is only satisfying when each party can completely let go and open up to the other. This, in turn, is only possible when an appropriate base has been established.

Don’t think of sexually active women as ‘sluts’

Women enjoy sex with different partners just as much as men. While men who sleep a lot of women are afforded huge respect, women who do the same with men are often reduced to ‘sluts’. Even if the thought enters your mind, never reveal that you are thinking it. Women love to be seduced and flirted with – sex is not the only thing there is.