Online flirting: Composing messages with a high response rate
Online dating is widely considered to be the solution for singles who are looking for a partner. Dating sites turn out to be something great even for those who are rather reserved and shy in everyday life. This allows them, without leaving their comfort zone, to make new contacts and meet interesting singles. But how does it all work anyway and what does it mean to flirt online? After all, anyone can text anyone - but then why are some so successful and others wait in vain for a response? Perhaps there are some tips and tricks that can increase the likelihood of a response.
In this article, we'll take a closer look at the matter and specifically take a look at various questions. Would you like to know how to write messages in the future that make your counterpart curious and encourage a response? Then you should pay close attention now and learn what is important when contacting someone.
We have asked ourselves the following questions:
First of all, this article is not a guarantee that your online dating inbox will soon be overflowing. However, it will increase your chances of getting into conversation anyway.
How should I write to contacts in online dating?
We assume at this point that you have already familiarized yourself with the topic of "profile design". Thus, you should know that it is the basis for online flirting. Let's assume that you have created an attractive profile with all relevant information and are ready for the next step. This directly raises the question of how you can write to contacts in online dating and convince them about you at the same time.
First, we'll tell you how not to do it...
Unimaginative messages seem to be the rule in the world of online dating. Especially from women, it's common to hear that they receive messages that only contain a "hey" or maybe a "how are you". That would be all well and good, if 90 percent of the contacts weren't just such trivial messages. So, if you tend to send wordless requests, you should not be surprised about a low response rate. The women want to notice directly that someone is interested in them and not have the feeling that they are just one of many who are contacted in this way.
Which messages, on the other hand, are immediately much better received?
How about a close look at the profile of your ideal candidate instead? Especially female members who have serious intentions put a lot of effort into their profiles. So why not reward their effort and show them that you've been curiously reading their information.
What goes down particularly well on top of that is the personal address of your counterpart. If their profile contains their real name, you should also use it when contacting them. After all, that's what names are for, and they give your counterpart an initial indication that you've really looked at the profile in advance. A "Hey XY" makes more of an impression than a boring "Hey" and motivates the person to read on.
Here's another little negative example to illustrate:
"Hey, I just came across your profile and I find it interesting."
Aha, and now? It sounds logical that you first come across the profile and then start making contact. But as you can see, this message could just as well have gone to ten other contacts. There is no personal reference at all.
What you should do when writing to contacts in online dating:
"Hey XY, I just discovered your profile and noticed that we have a lot in common. You wrote that you like to explore cities and I'm a bit of an explorer myself. Which place has been the most beautiful you've traveled to so far? Sincerely XX"
You should notice the difference right away. In this message there is a personal approach and a direct reference to the profile. It is unlikely that the sender will send the same contact request to half a dozen other members in parallel. The probability of arousing curiosity in the other person is much higher this way.
It is definitely worth looking at the profile in advance and using the information there from the beginning.
How long should the first message be?
Now we already know what should be in the first message. Next, the question of how long the first message should be and can you write too much in online dating? And to anticipate: Yes, it is definitely possible, because who would like to read through half a novel without knowing anything about the person.
Now you might think that you have to use all the profile information in the very first message and pick up on every single point. But be careful: a long message can be off-putting and counterproductive at first.
Pick out an interesting piece of information at the beginning and make it the focus of your first message. This has the advantage that you still show interest and don't burn up all your powder in one message.
Try to keep your first message short and limit it to three to four sentences. After that, you still have enough time to write longer messages. However, the conversation should first be established.
How long should you wait for a reply?
A really tricky question that depends on various factors. After all, it could be that your counterpart is only online every few days and checks their inbox. As a result, you might not be able to expect a timely response at all. Waiting for an answer is always a strange feeling. At the same time, you may wonder whether the message was well received.
But you should not wait too long for an answer. Especially if you can see that your message has been read. Finally, it could also be that you are simply kept in the backhand and then receive a response when someone else shows no interest in this person. If there is no reply in your inbox after a maximum of one week, it is not worth waiting any longer.
Small tip: You won't do any better if you send another message after two days. Someone who doesn't even take a few minutes to reply doesn't deserve to be in contact with you.
How often should you write to a contact?
How regularly you write to each other depends entirely on how strong your interest is. There are cases when numerous messages are exchanged every day and then again those who write every two days.
However, you should not overdo it and write one message after the next. Leave your counterpart enough time to answer you. By the way, it is a misconception that it is particularly cool to keep the other person waiting. You should forget about terms like "freeze time". Deliberately making someone wait before answering is, at best, a form of disrespect and not exactly conducive to getting to know someone.
So how often you write depends entirely on your tempers and mutual interest. However, as already mentioned, you should not wait too long for an answer and in return not put your counterpart on the rack for a long time.
How long should you write before suggesting a meeting?
Two days, a week or maybe even a month? When is the right time to ask for a date depends on your previous chat. Usually, women like to get to know each other first through the dating platform to be sure about a meeting. Again, there are singles who explicitly mention in their profiles that they prefer to get to know each other in real life and would rather meet for a coffee to get to know each other offline.
As long as you write to each other every day and have already communicated about more private topics, you should feel free to ask for a first date. There may even already be signs that indicate that this is the only question they are waiting for. Does your counterpart rave about that cute café? Then it may be time to invite them there and drink the best coffee in town together.
But what about when there is no interest from the other side?
How does a man/woman behave when he/she has no interest?
To flirt online, you also need to know what are these signals of pure disinterest. The clearest form of disinterest is, of course, that your message is read but not answered. In this case, any further message would be a waste of effort and would not lead to a satisfactory result.
Are there any other signs?
In fact, you can find out from the replies whether your counterpart is really interested or just writing to you out of boredom. Indifferent messages are a strong indication that this person simply does not care about you.
This also applies if you try to find out more by asking questions and keep hitting walls. If this person is interested, they will tell you something about themselves. Ask specific questions and then wait for the answers. If your counterpart does not respond to you at all, further contact is just a waste of time.
In summary
Flirting online is an art in itself and requires practice. Hardly anyone who signs up on dating platforms gets to enjoy numerous responses in a short time. Unless you're George Clooney - and even he needs an appealing profile beforehand.
Writing to contacts in online dating means dealing in advance with the dating profiles of the desired partners. It must be clear from the very first message that you have taken note of the available information. Meaningless contact messages usually end up directly in the trash and are hardly worthy of a look. Common interests, for example, are always a good way to start a conversation online.
If you want to read more on the topic, we highly recommend the following articles:
Writing on Dating Apps: The most important basics simply explained