Dating over 40: Still getting to know someone at 40 or staying single forever?
Key findings:
- Dating over 40 often requires patience
- Demands of both sexes increase
- Women over 40 usually know exactly what they want and are very selective
- Men over 40 are looking for a self-confident partner on equal footing
- The higher the demands, the more difficult the search
- Singles over 40 generally do not have fewer chances than at a young age, however it depends on where you search and how you look for a new partner
Suddenly 40 and still single (or single again)! A scenario that men and women fear and is a source of despair for many. But are singles over 40 really second-rate goods on the singles market or are they putting themselves on the sidelines?
In this article, we take a look at men and women over 40 and in order to find out what makes them tick when it comes to dating and what exactly they are looking for.
- What are women over 40 looking for when dating
- Why do many single women over 40 go crazy?
- Do women over 40 have a harder time online dating than their younger competitors?
- What are men over 40 looking for when dating?
- Are single men and women over 40 unavailable?
- Which dating app is recommended for women over 40?
- Successfully master dating over 40 – Tips from the expert
Ready to get to the bottom of silver singles and their dating behavior? Okay, here we go!
What are women over 40 looking for when dating?
At first glance, you'd think that women over 40 wouldn't have any problems finding a partner – or would they? In fact, there are many single women in this age group who just can't find the right partner.
Women are generally more selective when it comes to choosing a potential partner. And with increasing age, the demands also increase. 40+ single ladies know what they want and don’t settle for less just because they don’t find their Romeo right away.
But at the same time, the fear that men are more likely to cast their gaze on women in their twenties is also on the rise. But between you and me, does a woman who’s successfully managing her life really want a man who focuses only on looks?
A woman over 40 is looking for a partner with whom she can grow old together. Mental maturity and other qualities are in the foreground for them. At that age, various experiences have already been gained and there may even be children. Accordingly, the desired partner should have no problems with the woman’s past and accept that because of the children there might even still be contact with an ex-partner.
Okay...
And what are women over 40 looking for?
Women over 40 are looking for a man with whom they can fulfill some essential dreams. Someone who makes them feel understood. At first glance, this doesn't sound so difficult – if it weren't for the demands.
One of the most important qualities a man must have for women over 40 is a sense of humor. This was the result of studies conducted 10 years ago by various online dating sites. And even today, what counts for many women is finding a man who can make them laugh. This is closely followed by faithfulness and men who have something to show financially. Understandable, because at over 40 one would like to gain ground and not start over again completely from scratch.
We must also not forget that many women over 40 look back on a professional career themselves and want a partner on equal footing. Accordingly, they are not looking for men who will try to take them by the hand and explain life to them. They want a partner with whom they can simply be a self-confident woman with freedom.
So then…
Why do many single women over 40 go crazy?
Fear of being over the hill? A change of hormones? Or perhaps the feeling of being the second choice after pretty twenty-somethings?
It’s impossible to say in general terms what the reasons are that lead to this in women. However, there are indeed many women who no longer consider themselves attractive after a certain age. Here comes a wrinkle and perfection goes out the window. If, for example, no inquiries land in your inbox when you're online dating, it can really hurt your ego. You have the feeling of being looked over.
Especially women coming out of a long partnership struggle with the comeback on the dating market. Those who met their partner in their mid-20s disappeared from said market at a completely different time – it’s been 20 years of change, and not only online dating has established itself in the interim. Suddenly, women realize that many men of the same age also have a penchant for younger women. So not only has their way of getting to know each other changed, but also the way of looking at things.
This results in the question...
Do women over 40 have a harder time online dating than their younger competitors?
From what we've found out so far, it would seem so. But do women over 40 really fundamentally lose out to younger women?
Here's the crucial question: where does the search for Prince Charming take place? If we take a brief look at casual dating, a form of dating that is all about eroticism, women over 40 are in high demand. Especially young men find mature ladies very attractive for non-binding arrangements because of their experience.
If we look at dating apps, on the other hand, things look a bit different. The well-known platforms such as LOVOO, Tinder and others tend to appeal to a younger target group. Here, women over 40 have a much harder time finding someone who has an eye on them. But as already mentioned, it's a question of where, because even with dating apps, there are providers that focus on singles over 40. Only single people of the same age group register with such providers. And these portals enjoy great popularity, which we will discuss later.
Therefore we can’t say across the board that women over 40 have it harder.
Okay, now we know about women over 40 on the partner search. They make fewer compromises, are more selective and have no desire to play games. But..
What are men over 40 looking for when dating?
Time to turn to the single men and take a look at the over-40 generation of men. Are their demands rising as well, or is it purely “optical characteristics” that come into play when choosing a partner?
“Men only think with their pants” or something similar are statements often heard from women. But is this actually true or do these women just end up with the wrong guys? In truth, there are many men who are over 40, single and looking for a serious partnership. And no, they don't just have eyes for the young ladies.
The problem is that women of the same age often don't make it easy for men. But the men could also put more effort into it. Perhaps they have forgotten how to flirt or have never really had to fight for a woman's attention. Especially in online dating, many find it difficult to write nice and attentive messages at the beginning. And then they hope to land a direct hit with a lame "Hey, how's it going."
This begs the question...
What are men over 40 looking for?
We are not directing our attention here to the men who simply want to let off steam and enjoy their freedom. What this type is seeking should be clear to every woman. But what really matters to men over 40 who want to find a steady partner?
Believe it or not, most men are not looking for a fashionista or a woman who simply looks good. If you're over 40 and looking for a steady partner, you want a woman who has both feet on the ground, a worthy companion who is self-confident and doesn't want a "sugar daddy." Women who have something in their heads and their own self-motivation.
On the other hand, they also want a partner with whom they can remain in their male role. However, too much success on the part of a woman often has a deterrent effect, because they get the feeling that they are not worthy of the woman. At this point, many men probably still need to work on their self-confidence and self-esteem.
By the way, this is a problem that applies equally to both sexes.
Are single men and women over 40 unavailable?
So wouldn’t it be best to bury one's head in the sand from 40 onwards and simply wait and see? Or is there a way to move from being the perceived side-dish back into the fast lane and start dating successfully?
No one is a lost cause, and certainly not because of age! However, single men and women over 40 make a common mistake: they think love must hit them straight in the heart. They hope to fall in love the way they did in their twenties and get heart palpitations right away. Yet love is something that develops and doesn't suddenly appear overnight.
Granted: The usual singles exchanges like Badoo appeal to a younger target group. But that doesn't mean that singles over 40 have no chance or should make themselves unavailable. They just have to look for the dating sites that explicitly address their age group. Again, there are various providers that focus exclusively on singles over 40 and this is exactly where men and women who are looking for a romantic relationship can be found.
Which dating app over 40 is recommended?
Looking for the right dating app can be like looking for a needle in a haystack. After all, there are also numerous providers that do not necessarily shine with respectability. Fortunately, among the black sheep there are also operators that are really a great help in the search for a partnership. And eHarmony and be2 in particular stand out in this regard.
Among all the dating apps on the NZ market, eHarmony and be2 are probably among the most popular providers for older singles. While other platforms are predominantly populated by younger singles, the median age here is between 35 and 50. This means that the majority of eHarmony and be2 users in New Zealand are around 40 and thus form an interesting pool of singles. The special feature here is the detailed personality test, which ensures qualified partner suggestions. This not only saves time, but also means that the dating agency can boast a success rate of around 40 percent.
This means that singles over 40 in particular can determine exactly which singles they want to be shown. For picky women and men, it’s the perfect opportunity to quickly meet interesting singles. And as we have learned, both sides have precise ideas of what they are looking for at the end of the day.
Successfully master dating over 40 – Tips from the expert
Okay, now we know what goes on in the minds of single women and men over 40. What remains to be clarified is how this newfangled form of dating works and what to look out for in the process. So in conclusion here are a few expert tips to increase your chances of success on the dating market even at 40.
- Don't focus on age in a negative way
- Take every flirting opportunity
- Try out online dating
- Don’t put pressure on yourself
Don't focus on age in a negative way
"I'm over 40, who would want me?" This question and all the thoughts associated with it should disappear from your mind as soon as possible. Love knows no boundaries and certainly not with regard to age. Instead of looking for negative points, it’s much more important to focus on the advantages of age.
Professional success, a lot of experience and especially knowledge of what you’re seeking. These are all thoroughly positive aspects that should be associated with 40. And besides, there are many men and women who become more attractive with age.
Take every flirting opportunity
This is especially true for singles over 40 who have forgotten the art of flirting because they were in a long relationship. Signals are not interpreted correctly or simply not reciprocated. Here the antennae should be sensitized. Because even in everyday life, for example in cafés or on a train ride, there are opportunities to hone flirting skills. Even if it's just an exchange of nice looks and a smile, these opportunities should not be missed.
Try online dating
It is now a fact that dating nowadays is predominantly done online. And this is also true for the over-40 generation. Venturing into new things is often a step in the right direction, especially when there aren't many opportunities to go out on the prowl in everyday life, whether that's due to a time-intensive job or shyness that prevents you from approaching someone. With online dating, new doors open up.
The big advantage here is that profiles already reveal quite a bit about the singles. This means that a precise selection can be made in advance and you can focus on contacting those people who really arouse interest.
Small tip, by the way: Both men and women like it when their counterpart makes the first move. And everyone likes completed profiles, which make it easier for singles to sort out the right contacts.
Don't put pressure on yourself
Everyone in your circle of acquaintances is in a happy relationship. No reason to put yourself under pressure and look for someone fast, come hell or high water. There is a danger here of appearing desperate. Not only is desperately unattractive, but the wrong attitude can attract the wrong people, and that's exactly what we want to avoid.
In summary
Over 40 and single? It's far from time to throw in the towel. There are quite a few singles on both sides who are out there looking for a partnership. Patience is probably a basic requirement when looking for a partner over 40, but this is also related to the increasing demands of both sexes.
If you want a well-off and successful man who is also understanding and obliging, you can't expect to find him on every corner. The higher the demands, the more difficult the search for Mr. or Mrs. Right.
But the fact is that singles over 40 do not have less chances on the dating market. The question is where they look for a potential partner and how much effort both men and women put into it.