First date: The right way to go about it

So far, you've brilliantly mastered all the hurdles of online dating and managed to attract your desired contact. First of all, congratulations, because you have successfully completed the first major phase, because many online dating users often fail when it comes to writing. But it should not stop at just writing, because after all you are registered on a dating site to get to know your potential partner.

Now comes the next challenge and it demands more work. You want to ask for a first meeting and move the getting-to-know-you process to the offline world. But you hesitate because you don't know how to ask for a date. Maybe you've been single for a while and have completely forgotten how first dates generally work. Where is the ideal place and which things are absolute no-goes? Questions that you ask yourself and that prevent you from finally taking the decisive step.

To help you out of this predicament, our editorial team has put their heads together. With the help of the following questions, we would like to help you overcome your fears. After that, you should know how to ask for a date and also how the first meeting could turn out to be successful.

For this purpose, we have considered these questions:

Are you ready to learn how a first date leads to a second and how to win the heart of your counterpart? Here we go.

1. How do you ask to meet on the dating app?

The transition from chat to first date is a big step that requires one thing above all: A sense of timing. That's right, timing matters in online dating, too!

Right off the bat, there's no formula that tells you when the time is right to ask for a date. Rather, it's about recognizing the signs that your counterpart is really interested in you. One clue is that communication is not a one-way street and you get more than just choppy sentences in response. The more detailed and frequent your counterpart writes to you, the more likely it is that they will respond positively to your request for a meeting.

Of course, this means that you shouldn't ask for a first date after three messages. First get to know each other through the dating app, find common ground and find out if you match.

Okay, everything works out - and now how do you ask for a date?

By simply asking! If the chemistry is right and you write each other detailed messages every day, you should just get over yourself. By this point, you've talked about your different interests and hobbies and may have even discovered things you have in common. The ideal key point to ask for the first date.

Want a little inspiration example?

"Okay XY, I'm just going to be straightforward here. You're into anime and I'm into anime. Next week the new XY comes in the cinema. None of us wants to miss out on that. Should I reserve two tickets?"

Take advantage of common interests and try to be authentic in your question. It is much more important to wait for the right time. And there are no predictions for this, as every conversation develops differently. Pay attention to whether your counterpart is actively writing to you and pushing the conversation forward.

All right, the timing is right. And now comes the question...

2. Where do you meet for the first date?

Here's the most important rule: both must be comfortable with the location. The first date is about having fun and getting to know each other. It's best if your first date takes place on neutral ground. An invitation to your own four walls could possibly send the wrong signals. In addition, it is much harder to break off a date if the chemistry is not right. A first date, which takes place in public, has a more relaxed and casual atmosphere.

Of course, there should also be the opportunity for a quiet conversation. In the example mentioned above with the cinema visit, a visit to a bar would still be conceivable afterwards. And if you find that you don't feel comfortable with the other person, you have at least seen the new film of your favorite genre.

But there are also various other places for the first meeting. Here are a few examples...

The meeting in a café

A universally popular classic that is always a good choice for the first date. In a café you have the opportunity to get to know each other over a coffee and talk comfortably. If the meeting does not go smoothly, you can always pay and part ways again. But if it is a success, you can either spend more time in the cafe or go for a stroll or a walk afterwards.

A romantic picnic

You are both romantics, the weather plays along and there is a beautiful park nearby? Suggest a romantic picnic and get to know each other over a glass of wine at sunset. Again, you have the option to part ways or spend more time together.

Off to the gym

Do you share a passion for playing squash? Then why not find out on the first date whether you have found your new favorite partner. After you've passed the ball to each other, a refreshing drink together is a great way to get to know each other off the court.

Compromise

You suggest a first date at the pool, but your partner is uncomfortable with the suggestion and makes a counter-proposal. Instead of being crestfallen and feeling put out, you should show a willingness to compromise. If the chemistry is right and you meet again, there will still be the opportunity to go swimming together and then, you’ll have your chance to appreciate her swimsuit body.

So, that leads us to the question....

3. What do women like on a first date?

Beware men, because women mentally pull out a notepad on the first date and pay meticulous attention to details. Whoever believes that holding the door open and paying the bill is the end of the story, has got it all wrong.

Many women pay attention not only to how you treat them. You are a gentleman to her counterpart, hold the door open, take her jacket and pay the bill at the end. And yet why doesn't she want to see you again? Maybe you were mean to the waitress and treated her condescendingly. The way you treat other people shows your true character, and people are watching you closely.

Women like it when their counterpart has thought about it in advance. This does not mean that you should reserve the most expensive table in the best restaurant in town. She told you in the chat that she is a big fan of art? Invite her to the new art opening that opened recently. Show her that you really read her messages.

Which brings us to the next thing you do to make an impression. Listening not only makes up half of a conversation, but also shows that you're genuinely interested. Follow up on previous statements and ask questions to find out more about your dating partner.

But you should not only think about the place, but also about your appearance. Punctuality should not be taken for granted, but your appearance should also be appropriate. Sweatpants and sweater on a first date? Unless you're going out for sports, you should go for jeans and a shirt. A chic sweater is of course also perfectly okay. But the woman will probably spend some time in the bathroom before the first date. You definitely owe it to her to invest some time in your outfit and your look.

Another trump card is a healthy dose of humor. Women like it when men make them laugh or smile. Little quips coupled with a touch of charm go down particularly well.

And last but not least, compliments are what you should give out. You don't have to overdo it and show off the poet in you. But a "Wow, you look awesome" should be part of it. This includes paying attention to your dating partner. Women pay attention to whether you look at your smartphone every quarter of an hour. Devote yourself completely to your date.

But how about the other side?

4. What do men like on a first date?

Maybe it's a misconception, but probably a first date is much more stressful for men. Simply because they are outnumbered on dating sites and are thus in greater competition.

That's why it's an incredible plus for them if the woman approaches them openly when greeting them. Does she want a hug, a friendly handshake, or maybe getting to know each other has gone so well so far that a kiss on the cheek might be a good to go? This situation alone poses a challenge to men and the solution is for the woman to simply take the initiative here.

For men, women who decide for themselves are a true blessing. He asks what his dating partner is in the mood for and maybe even offers a few alternatives. An "I don't care" is never a good answer in that case. After all, he has already picked out things that the woman might like. So, it's only fair that she chooses one of the options or makes a counter-proposal.

Compliments and attention are not only something that ladies want on a first date. Men also like to hear that they smell good or that the jacket really suits them. Here, too, the smartphone is not appreciated and should be kept in the pocket for the duration of the date.

While light and fleeting touches are quickly misinterpreted by men, they are very welcome from the other part. If the man is sympathetic to a woman, there is nothing to stop the hands touching briefly or the shoulder being briefly patted.

In addition, men like it when they are not directly cross-examined at the first date. So, it is not advisable to start off with a cumulative list of questions that includes questions about topics such as the ex-girlfriend.

Now we know what both sexes like. But what about the no-gos?

5. What you should definitely not do on the first date!

Of course, there are not only things with which you can shine on the first date. There are also no-gos that can quickly catapult you into the off and lead to the end of the date before it has really begun. From expectations to absolute misbehavior, there are many pitfalls lurking.

Do not expect too much

The wedding bells ringing in your ear because the chat has gone so well so far? Even if the conversation suggests a jackpot, don't think of your first date as the start of something wonderful. Take a relaxed approach and try to display a -mildly put- healthy indifference. The more relaxed you are, the more authentic you'll seem - and that's what matters on a first date in the end.

You are an absolute yes-man

You don't want to do anything wrong on your date, which is perfectly understandable. But that doesn't mean you always have to say yes and amen. An opinion of your own is not a state crime, but something quite natural - and it may also be expressed with pleasure. But beware: The tone sets the rhythm here. If you get loud, you can forget about the second date.

Drinking too much

It is not uncommon for the first date to take place in a bar, to drink one to three glasses of wine together and to talk. The emphasis is on glasses and not bottles! Anyone who drinks too much on a first date runs the risk of showing his/her unattractive side. Even more, too much alcohol clouds your judgment and loosens your tongue. Don't accidentally tell things you'd rather keep to yourself first.

Being pushy

There are two traps lurking directly for you here. Firstly, this applies to physical contact - and secondly, being too open can also be perceived as pushy. Even if you find your counterpart incredibly attractive, you should not make any hasty advances. Too loose a mouth and rash statements can also mean that you won't be able to date again.

Conduct monologues

What is your first date for? Exactly, to get to know each other. And what is a fatal mistake? Talking only about yourself and having a monologue. Of course, the person you're talking to wants to know about you, but he or she probably also wants to tell you something about themselves. As soon as you only talk about yourself, this shows a lack of interest and does not necessarily form the basis to fuel the desire for a second date.

6. How can I tell that there is a spark?

Are you one of those people who don't notice when there's a spark? You are definitely not a strange one, and you may have even let a chance or two slip through your fingers. But there's no reason to give up, because there are definitely signs that you're on the right track.

To interpret these clues, however, it is important to also perceive and keep an eye on your counterpart. Be it the sweet smile, actively asking questions or even the short and fleeting touch. We'll show you a few of the points by which you can tell that your counterpart likes you.

Showing interest

When communicating, aren't you the only one asking questions? The more your dating partner wants to know about you, the more interested he or she is in you. So,you can be happy when you are actively asked questions!

Eye contact

What interests us, we like to look at. And this is also true on a date, where we look for eye contact. However, we're not talking about brief eye contact here, but rather intense moments. Long-lasting glances are not only a sign of interest, but also reveal a lot about the situation. University College London conducted a study on this subject, which yielded the following result: A dilatation of the pupils was a sign of arousal during intense eye contact. In addition, the study also delivered the result that of the approximately 500 participants, around 3.2 seconds is considered a pleasant time frame for eye contact.

Brief touches

As soon as we feel attracted to a person, we seek closeness. When you're out for a walk, can you barely fit a leaf between you, or does your counterpart briefly caress your hand? Things that he or she would hardly do if it weren't for this attraction.

Which brings us to the next question...

7. How much physical contact on a first date?

Is less perhaps more or is there nothing against seeking intense physical contact? The purpose of your first date is to find out if the chemistry exists in reality. It is not an invitation to a buffet and does not mean that you are allowed to eat heartily. The fact that the greeting is usually a short hug should not be an indication for you that keeping your distance is completely unnecessary.

Rather, you should hold back during the first encounter. There is nothing against touching your counterpart in a certain situation on the hand or arm. It is important that you pay attention to the reaction. If the person quickly withdraws his or her hand, you should accept this and keep your distance again.

Basically, less is actually more and on other dates there are still plenty of opportunities to get physically closer. But that doesn't mean you should hide your hands in your pocket all the time. Perhaps your counterpart will also take the initiative and touch you fleetingly at certain moments. During a walk, put your hand on their back and wait to see if the person feels uncomfortable and wants to distance themselves or if they accept the whole thing

8. Is he/she interested or has he/she just been nice to me?

This question can only be answered at the end of the date and the time afterwards. The way you say goodbye can be seen as an intermediate conclusion. Your counterpart opens his/her arms with a smile and offers you a farewell hug? Then chances are quite high that you have left a good impression. If, on the other hand, you are the person who opens his or her arms expectantly and you realize that he or she only reluctantly complies with the request, then the odds are much less good.

What about the frequency of messages after the first date? Do you still receive detailed replies or even the first message after the meeting, stating that getting to know each other was a complete success? Based on the goodbyes and the way the subsequent communication goes, it is easy to deduce whether it was your first date and at the same time the last one.

And what if it was successful?

9. What about the second date? How do you greet each other on a second date?

Jackpot, since the one date wasn't the only one and you're dating again. Now that the spark seems to have been ignited and you want to further get to know each other, the second date follows.

Now you might ask yourself how you proceed on the second date and which way should the greeting be done. There is definitely no need to shake hands, meaning that there are only two logical options left: Either you hug on your date when you meet again and hold the hug a little longer this time, or you take it a little step further. You've probably continued to exchange ideas and get to know each other better by now. So why not take the plunge and start the second date with a kiss on the cheek?

You should make the second greeting dependent on how animated you exchanged after your first date. However, the hug is the least and the kiss on the cheek would also be quite conceivable on date number two.

In summary

The first date is a mixture of joy and a little fear. And that goes for both men and women, which is why it should be quite relaxed and easy-going. Both need to feel comfortable with the situation and have the chance to be themselves. Neutral places that convey a certain informality are best for this. Compliments, attention and decent behavior should not be neglected in the process and are crucial in determining whether a reunion will happen.

Now you have everything to prepare for your first date with your ideal candidate and to make sure that you both enjoy the time together.