Why some women can't find a man

Wait, what?! All they have to do is snap their fingers and men start lining up – right?

If we take a look at the statistics, we see a different picture. According to current statistics, there are around 1 million singles in New Zealand, 51,7 percent of whom are women. Although it’s not clear whether these were exclusively heterosexual women, the figures speak for themselves: There are many women who are single and can’t find a man, although they want one.

Whom does this affect?

We’ve noticed this affects a special kind of women: The ones no one would suspect. It’s pretty, educated, and successful women who often complain about not finding the right partner.

The reason?

With their looks and success, they tend to be off-putting to many men. Unfortunately, the stereotypical breadwinner-mindset is still anchored in many men's psyches, even if only subconsciously. Accordingly, he thinks the woman's place is within her own four walls, where the children are being fed and brought up. This is an outdated and long outmoded way of thinking, an unfortunate pattern that makes it difficult for such women to find the ideal partner.

We no longer live in the Middle Ages and such ways of thinking should be relegated to the trash heap, one would think. The old way of thinking raises many questions nowadays and at the same time still makes many women despair. It’s true that even a strong woman longs for a strong shoulder to lean on. To get to the bottom of the matter, we’ve come up with insights and questions. We’ll now try and shed some light on the subject.

Ready to pay a visit to the male psyche? Here goes...

What men really like

It’s not just women who can be difficult to read, because men don’t have their preferences written on their foreheads, either. As far as appearances are concerned, tastes differ widely – but are there other qualities that men particularly like in women? Of course, men differ from one another and attach importance to different things. But we think the following qualities are ones just about every man would choose.

Sense of humor
Initiative
Authenticity
Willingness to be a partner in crime
Understanding
Curiosity

This list might seem overwhelming at first, but, in the end, these are only things that most women also wish from their partners.

Sense of humor

Women who have a healthy sense of humor seem much easier to get along with than those who are always serious. For many people, laughing together is a basic requirement for a partnership and strengthens the bond. Here, of course, the type of humor matters less than that it’s shared or mutually appreciated. If a man is consistently sarcastic and has a black sense of humor, but you’re absolutely not on that wavelength, it doesn’t really make sense to delve any deeper. Birds of a feather flock together and this also applies to jokes and humor in a partnership

Initiative

A small paradox arises here when we look at the ladies' world. Successful women who stand up for equal rights also demand that men make the first move. But why shouldn't she go up to the guy she likes – why shouldn’t the woman make the first approach? In fact, men like it when women show initiative – and not only when getting to know each other, but also within a partnership. Women are definitely appreciated for making the first step now and then.

Authenticity

A fake laugh, a stage act put on to somehow please him? Get rid of that, because naturalness is what it’s all about. Granted, this is a problem many men struggle with, too, as they bend over backwards to please their counterparts. However, if one of you doesn’t get the ball rolling by showing their natural side, you can’t expect to create a healthy basis for a partnership.

Willingness to be a Partner in Crime

What does this mean, exactly?

Well, it means be more than a romantic companion. Do you really think gaming evenings or Netflix marathons are just for friends? The ideal partner is a mixture of best friend and life partner! This also extends to men opening up and showing a vulnerable side without being labeled a weakling.

Understanding

Not everyone shares the same interests and, every now and then, our potential partner’s predilections might even seem strange. You meet an attractive man, but board games are his passionate hobby? Even if you can't warm up to playing Dungeons & Dragons, you should try to understand his passion. He'll also be understanding of your yoga time or the occasional visit to the nail salon.

Curiosity

We know you appreciate it when men show their interest in you and actively ask questions about your hobbies or your life. Minor spoiler: Men are no different! They like women who are interested in them. It should be the most normal thing in the world to demonstrate curiosity in your potential partner. But unfortunately, it’s especially successful women who fail to show that they have their eye on someone in particular.

Okay, and now...

What annoys men about women

All right, now we know what qualities men like. But what things make them crawl out of their skins? Next, a few behaviors almost no woman is immune from doing.

When nagging becomes a daily routine
Indecisiveness
Lack of self-confidence and the urge for confirmation

When nagging becomes a daily routine

Constructive criticism is all well and good – there will always be points between you that strike you as unpleasant and that should be addressed. But it's clearly the tone that sets the mood here. Many women have a habit of switching to nagging when trying to address minor issues. Instead of pointing something out to the man in an understanding manner, small problems are exploded like an act of war. When this is repeated, it’s not surprising that the mood between you gets tense and irritated. Just don’t start in with the toilet seat the first time it happens.

Indecision

Women expect men to take them out and make suggestions for joint activities. Is it too much to ask for the woman to express her wishes? "I don't care" might just be three little words, but they can be nerve-wracking for a man to hear over and over. Think about how you’d like a man who answered every question with "I don't know"...

Lack of self-confidence and the urge for affirmation

Men like women who appear confident. That doesn't mean you can't go fishing for compliments every now and then. But it shouldn't become the rule and seem like you need constant affirmation. Men who feel compelled to give their partner compliments every day eventually lose the fun of appreciating a woman spontaneously – and then he just won’t. He chose you because he likes you the way you are. So why ask for validation every day? Compliments he grants of his own accord are more satisfying, anyway.

What do men find irresistible in women?

Probably words like "bust" or "butt" are popping into your head right now. Of course, a nice bust or a nice butt is something that makes a woman stand out – as long as a man pays attention to such things. But is there a quality that makes women look irresistible?

Yes, there is: independence

But wait, wasn't there talk earlier about successful women who tend to be off-putting? Right, but that doesn't mean that men don't find this quality attractive. Many men simply don't dare to approach an independent woman because they expect a rejection.

And here’s the problem: wrong signals

Women who are successful in life not only exude independence, but also a kind of distance. They don't come across as if they are interested in a relationship and if they are, then it seems they only want the tycoon who has it all. This is an aura that intimidates men and leaves them thinking they have no chance at all. Really, these are completely normal women. The big difference? They’ve taken their own lives into their hands.

A vicious circle: man wants independent woman, but does not dare to approach her. The result: Both remain single.

In this scenario, there’s another characteristic that has an irresistible effect on men: initiative! Women who approach men are more attractive from the very first moment. It’s not only that they’re meeting men where they live, they’re reflecting their very impulses.

So why can’t I find a man?

Are you one of those women constantly on the edge of despair when looking for a partner? Even though you have everything a man could wish for in a woman? You're not the only one, and you're one of about half a million single women in New Zealand. Now, the reasons are probably different for you than for some other female singles. But you might just recognize yourself in one of the following points.

You don’t flirt actively

Do you assume men have to make the first step when flirting? Those times are long gone, because these days women are free to express themselves. If you discover an interesting man, make eye contact – just take the first active step and go talk to him. You’ll never know unless you try.

You’re not at peace with yourself

Are you dissatisfied with your life and think that a partner could change everything? This is a completely flawed approach. After all, if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else? Work on yourself and make sure that you develop a positive aura. You'll notice right away that men will look at you differently.

Rethink your preferences

Do you have a thing for bad boys, but really long for a romantic? If you've only ever come across the bad boys, it's time to give the romantics a chance. Often, we have a certain type in mind that, upon closer inspection, doesn't really offer us what we’re seeking.

Your expectations are too high

One of the most common reasons for women being alone is probably having high expectations. Hollywood and Disney make a big show of how beautiful love can be. What they don’t show is the sustained effort a fulfilled relationship requires. Love stories like those in fairy tales are in short supply in reality. Are you waiting for a man to ride in on a white horse? White horses are in short supply these days...

The wrong priorities

You love your job, you’re a career woman through and through. How is the man who wants to spend time with you going to fit into your life? Successful women, in particular, get completely involved in their work in order to get ahead. However, as a workaholic, you quickly run the risk of not having enough time for a strong relationship.

The question remains...

Where and how do I find a man who suits me?

Now that we know what makes men tick and what they like, the question is, where do you meet the right guys? Ideally, you go where you like to spend time yourself. Like to go to the gym and want to share that time with your partner? Then it's the perfect place to start looking. Of course, you might find yourself looking for a needle in a haystack here.

The alternative: online dating

Since you probably don't spend much time in bars and clubs as a successful woman, online dating is the perfect alternative for finding a partner. You just need to know what dating sites are out there and which ones are aimed at the kind of person you'd like to meet. eHarmony and be2, for example, are very popular with singles who are successful and looking for like-minded people.

It’s important to be honest when creating your profile and address your potential partner directly – you don’t want the perpetuate the intimidating image of the unapproachable woman.

In conclusion

We’ve seen it’s often the most successful women who deter men because of their charisma. This type of woman projects an image of unapproachability and then leaves it to him to make all the first moves. This might repell certain men who would’ve actually been the perfect match in terms of character.

Women should be careful to appear accessible and not invest too much weight in being the dream woman. And if her expectations are too high, this can also quickly lead to frustration. Try lowering your expectations a bit – you might just find there are many men who meet your requirements.